I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
