I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
