True but thats because hes a fetus.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
