when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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