ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
