dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
