she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
COCAINE IS GR8
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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