I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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