apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
