Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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