Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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