i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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