I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
