Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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