well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
whose parrot is this?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
