it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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