Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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