nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
so much tequila, so little girl.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
