The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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