walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
