he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Randomize
