I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you had me at cake vodka
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
