I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
