Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
