Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
