dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
