i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
