found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
