i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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