I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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