And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
