Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
