i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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