He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
