he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
