In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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