That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
