How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
