did you get engaged???
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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