Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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