I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
