FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
