turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
