oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
