Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
