Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
