Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
