How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
