1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
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You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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