drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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