she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
