Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
