dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
