What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
