what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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