Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
