you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
