I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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