I'm going to jail i love you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
