I think I won the penis lottery.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
