Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
