please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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