Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
