First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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