Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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